i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
