thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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