I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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