why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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