ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
