just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
