Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
