I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am available for nakedness
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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