Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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