....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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