it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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