so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
