I want to stick my p in your. b.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
