She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
