You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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