I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
