I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
