I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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