And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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