Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
