Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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