Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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