Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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