you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
