I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
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My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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