let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
