Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
