There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
