trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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