giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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