My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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