Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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