I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
