I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
