this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
