I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
