I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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