I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
