Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize