the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
