I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
