I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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