...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
