Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
