I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
