I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
