Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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