I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
