im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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