we made out on top of his cat.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
