Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
