WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
