I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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