8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
