foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You're like the curious george of whores
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
