please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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