I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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