we're chasing vodka with high fives
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
