If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
