Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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