Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
