Acid is not a monday night drug
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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