having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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