Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
