Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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