respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Everclear isn't food dammit
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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