Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
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My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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