Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
