Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex

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(504): View more from Louisiana

why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?

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(630): View more from Illinois

I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.

(1-808): View more from Hawaii

Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?

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(530): View more from California

Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.

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(510): View more from California

A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"

(1-510): View more from California

Berkeley was the right choice

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(514): View more from Quebec

MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'

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(519): View more from Ontario

You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'

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(856): View more from New Jersey

ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.

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